i am my own demon
by V. Sourweather
Summary: Hermione didn't want any of this to happen; but it did, and now she couldn't make it right anymore. Warnings for graphic violence and character death [Written for QLFC - Finals]


_Summary:__ Hermione didn't want any of this to happen; but it did, and now she couldn't make it right anymore._

_Rating:__ T_

_Warnings:__ Graphic violence, character death. And this is very dark._

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything you recognize; it belongs to J.K. Rowling. I don't make any money out of this story._

_.:._

_Written for:_

_**[QLFC - Finals]**_

_**Team:**__ Tutshill Tornados_

_**Position:**__ Keeper_

_**Prompt:**_The Power_, Naomi Alderman — I used the same magic (girls are able to kill or inflict pain via electricity)._

_**[HSWW]**__ Assignment #9: Survival Studies — Types of Snares__ / Task #3 — Write about someone being crushed (figuratively)_

_Word count (without the A/N): 1,061 words_

* * *

_**i am my own demon:**_** Hermione Granger**

* * *

The first time Hermione Granger feels it coursing through her veins, she feels almost as though she were drunk, in a daze. It's… bad. It's _evil_. And she didn't even know this was part of her before now.

She has hurt someone, hurt him so very much that she doesn't think he will ever be alright again. It's even more than that. She's hurt someone so badly that she thinks he's dying, and she's afraid to help him because _she cannot touch him again_. And all that flows through her right now is guilt. Immense, immeasurable _guilt_.

She stares at Goyle, who is convulsing on the ground in front of her, and her eyes fill with tears because this cannot be happening, and she has to help him, but she just can't—

Maybe it's stupid, considering the world around her went to hell a long time ago, but she's always hoped she would never have to become a killer. But here she stands, next to the person she has killed, even if he's not dead yet. And maybe there's still hope. Maybe she can still help him _somehow_… But then she hears him gag and she chokes on her own tears.

And then there's only silence, and she gazes at Goyle in fear (and in wonder too. She has to admit—she's more powerful now than anyone else she knows). He doesn't move anymore, and all the wonder vanishes because _I never meant for this to happen_.

Slowly, she kneels down in the mud next to him and reaches out to touch him. It can't get worse now anyway, right?

And so she shakes him slightly, trying to wake him up.

"Goyle?" she asks, and her voice quivers in fear—he's not moving, he's not breathing, and it doesn't even matter now that she didn't _want_ to do it because she _did,_ and now he's… "Goyle, please don't be… Don't be dead. Wake up. Please."

But he doesn't. Of course he doesn't.

And she feels the first tear trickle down her cheek, and she wants so desperately to fix this because she has killed someone now, and all those idealistic thoughts of hers, all those things that had made her a hero have gone away. She's not a hero. She's a killer.

She falls down on the ground and sobs wreck her body, and she continues to beg incoherently. Begging him, anyone, to hear her and help her, help them… But no one hears, and no one comes, and she stays there, her fingers digging in the mud and her tears splashing down on the ground.

* * *

_Hermione is cooking something that vaguely resembles a stew when she feels the weight of a gaze on her. She looks up and smiles tensely at Gregory Goyle. There's something in his eyes that makes her uncomfortable, and even though she knows he's on their side now, even if she knows he's rebelled against Voldemort, she can't help but feel doubt spreading inside of her._

"_Malfoy wants to see you, Granger," he tells Hermione in a sour voice._

_She wonders why he is so bitter, but she thinks she has an idea. He can't bear the thought of Draco and her together—there was a time when she wouldn't have either. But Draco's fighting with them now, and Goyle is too, and she doesn't know how it could take her so long to realize that all they ever wanted before was for someone to _care_._

"_Come on, Granger!" Goyle hurries her along, and she snaps out of her thoughts._

_It doesn't cross her mind that it's so unlike Draco to meet her in so secret a place until Goyle's hand tightens around her wrist when they're out of sight of the camp. She frowns then._

"_Goyle, you're hurting me," she tells him, tugging on her wrist to make him let go._

_But he continues to lead her into the woods, and she can't think because she's sure of it now—it's not Draco waiting at the end of the path, it's Death, and she doesn't want to die yet, and how could Goyle betray them all like this?_

_When she starts to fight back, he turns towards her and scowls. "Stop fighting, Granger, I'm trying to help you here," he seethes, and she doesn't believe him because the last time one of her friends went into that forest, he didn't get out of it alive._

_And she hits him then, straight in the face, and she just feels something strange that makes her feel so utterly powerful coursing through her veins. The next thing she knows, Goyle has jerked away, and he's screaming, and his face is burned, and she doesn't know what to do._

_She inadvertently gazes down at her hands and she sees sparks running across her skin. She stares, then shakes her head, and when she looks back at her hands, the sparks of electricity are gone._

"_I'm sorry," she whispers, looking back at Goyle._

_He's not listening though. He's screaming, his hands covering his face, but she can still see the blisters on his skin. So she steps towards him; she can't stand to see him in such pain, because she's never been one to stand idly while others were suffering and even though he might have betrayed them all, she won't start now._

_But when she touches him, he recoils and starts to shake and scream even louder, in pure agony. When she steps away, she can see the sparks of electricity running between her fingers, and it's just too much for him to bear and he falls to the ground and convulses._

* * *

Hermione doesn't hear the footsteps coming up behind her, doesn't hear the gasp. But she sees Draco when he walks around her and kneels in front of her and reaches out to touch her shoulder. She cries out in fear because she cannot let him touch her, and she crawls away from him on her knees.

"Hermione," he whispers, his eyes widening in shock when she recoils. "Did you—Did you do this?"

He jerks his head towards his friend, and she can only think that Goyle is his friend and now Draco is going to hate her and think she is a monster… But then he looks at her, his eyes gentle and tender when he says, "I'm a monster too."


End file.
